good riddance to bad rubbish .
but i never seem to be able to to get myself off the addiction to such.
life is good to me?
SHOW IT TO ME!
painfully honest?
i wish, sometimes.
but i'm not at all that bold to speak forth my opinions.
not even two-cents worth, mind you.
okay,
back from wandering among my thoughts.
thoughts that were strewn along Memory's dingy corridoor.
i gathered,
perhaps i should just seal my lips,
stop uttering worthless thoughts.
stop courting trouble.
OH, and i realised.
i'm pretty ignorable.
johnny can vouch for that one.
it's not really a problem, really.
it actually aids me in keeping my mouth shut.
i'm falling prey to gossip.
which is bad, very bad.
but it's just so enticing.
haiyah, i'm in the makings of an auntie already.
soon enough, soon enough.
when i thought somemore about what i wrote back a few entries,
i was seized by a mounting fear.
what if i was the only one Joker performing,
and the rest the audience?
they'd have laughed to their fill,
feeding on my eccentric ways.
what if?
or perhaps, i'd been acting for my own sake.
i enjoyed my performance.
as i've said,
i'm the puppet, puppeteer and audience.
i laugh at myself,
i boo myself.
i encourage myself,
i scoff at myself.
i admire myself,
i am disgusted by myself.
you know?
i'm the epitome of contradictions.
i'll never leave a trail for you to follow intentionally,
because i never know when i'll change my mind.
and THAT,
will mean a whole load of trouble, too.
This world is not my own.
Saltwater
wells up in my eyes.