Saturday, September 25
red and yellow
pink and green
purple
and
orange
and
blue
i can see the rainbow
see the rainbow
see the rainbow
too.
i was mesmerised by this song,
the first time i heard it on a tv commercial.
i think it was advertising australia, or something.
but the way the graphics flowed with the song,
it was just ... m a g i c a l .
i never fail to be amazed by rainbows.
i always swoon over the refraction of light through prisms in physics.
and that is besides the fact i got a miserable C6 for that horrid science.
oh, and just a few days ago, i was at a bus-stop.
the late afternoon sun glided through the glass behind me
... and ...
there i had a rainbow right in my hands.
can you feel what i felt?
i don't want the sun, moon or stars.
all i want is just that rainbow.
the symbol of hope, beauty, and all things possibly good in this world,
however fleeting.
alas, my life is not of fairytale material -
the kind you read off books,
or see in dramas.
my bus had to come at that precise moment,
and being the sensible, practical and down-to-earth person i am,
i left the rainbow behind to get on with life.
sometimes,
i just don't know whether to praise or condemn myself.
speaking of colours,
i must say that blue is a very depressing colour.
one thing for sure -
blue recedes from the observer,
so it's cold and aloof, by personification.
i don't like blue.
in fact, it depresses me so much that always makes me sick.
if you ask me what's life in hell like,
i'll tell you it's almost like being stuck in an endless vortex of blue,
only worse.
if envy and jealousy were green,
then fear and hesitation must be blue.
i always have rather long entries now.
to make up for the inconsistent frequency, actually.
i've an inkling this haven will be somewhat neglected in the next few months.
afterall, i'll be taking written communications soon,
and i suspect i won't really want to write that much, anymore.
not for the entire semester, at the very least.
how, bauhaus? bauhaus, how?
this is my infamous tagline, of late.
i hear bauhaus
i talk bauhaus
i think
bauhaus
i dream bauhaus
i eat bauhaus
i drink bauhaus
i breathe bauhaus
i live and die for bauhaus.
figuratively,
my life has been wrecked by bauhaus.
not forgetting locvid theory test and speechcomm quiz.
.
.
.
umm,
so will my real fairy-godmother,
please stand up?
[ which simply means, you should stop slackin' already, geddit? ]
d e b b e e e kvetched at 9:29 PM
Thursday, September 23
I Hope You Don't Mind
by Moulin Rouge
My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now that you're in the world
I sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss
Well some of these verses, well they,
they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes, I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now that you're in the world
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now that you're in the world
***
this song never fails to make me smile.
not in sheer joy, but a resigned one, more like.
if life is as dance and song,
i would be a much happier girl.
grappling with far too many notions.
sad is the day when indeed, one loses all hope
and sadder a thousand times, the day when hope turns to despair.
but hope, is a fatal neccesity, i'm afraid.
i would have loved to let my thoughts weave a sonnet for itself,
but the potential trauma of it all may threaten my emotional well-being for an entire week.
and that's a conservative estimation.
not to-day, not to-day.
i've had too much already.
or maybe it's just a certain lacking of what you term 'guts'.
i may speak in riddles, yet i await the person who'll read me like a book.
i had a very bad day earlier on.
yesterday, theoretically speaking - wednesday.
in fact, i have been feelin' downright rotten since monday.
but i know alot of things can't be helped.
i look foward to the day when i graduate from this institute.
no - i'm not talking about just ngee ann polytechnic - i'm talking about this world we're living in.
i'm on transitory pass here, d'you see?
but i've an inkling that perhaps, i'm living out an adaptation of The Terminal.
i don't know when my defence will wear thin,
when i will fall prey to the lures of human pettiness and envy.
i'm a f r a i d .
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:54 AM
Friday, September 17
it's a noisy friday morning.
i'm up and about in the impossibly early hours on a typical sleep-in friday morning.
early for me, that is.
i'm seized by the urgency to embark on the epic tale of how a legendary heroine struggles to live up to others' expectations of her.
i'm living this epic out, actually.
i'm the Spider caught in the web of her own doing.
people-watching is extremely intriguing.
my eyes are naturally allured to these little figures tottering about in the atrium.
oh well, yes - at the expense of my time intended for media critique.
but still, as these little figures come and go, i get plenty of fun trying to figure who they are and what kind of lives they lead.
this is definitely much more pleasurable than spewing 800 words on FHM magazines and their influence.
ah, see this girl in her pink polo, pink tote and denims.
she peers over her shoulders in uncertainty and her eyes search for familiar faces in the atrium as she sweeps across the ground step.
then... ... she pouts.
i'd hardly think it natural for a person to pout into thin air, especially when one fails to see a recognisable countenance.
ah, unless she knows the presence of people-watchers like me, and puts up a good show to give us a good laugh.
except that i don't find it remotely funny, even.
i have to thank Him for His faithfulness.
by divine intervention, i managed to ace medsoc test.
it wasn't to say, though, that i did not invest effort in this test.
quite the contrary, i invested so much, i reckon it was His way of saying 'well-done, deb' to me that He decided to make the seeds i sowed yield a hundred-fold.
one thing for sure - i have understood the principles of sow-THEN-reap.
i'm racing against time.
i figure my short-term visit to this earth should be put to full potential.
it's kind of like a long vacation, but finitely shorter compared to the eternity i have with Him.
i must laugh, eat and have fun to my fill.
yet, at the same time, avoid getting into legal trouble that will revoke my passport back to His kingdom.
let's be good citizens of Heaven, all of us.
i just love ikea.
and i just adore their kiddy meals.
hey jean and esther, you tried their special kiddy treat for september?
it's absolutely irresistable - even better than our usual happymeals.
talking of which, i've not ordered a happymeal since i last went Mac's with the triumvirate.
the good ol'times, never to be forgotten.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 10:38 AM
Monday, September 13
i have major qualms about having to wish away every moment of my life.
it's no fun at all.
i sat there, hoping with all my might.
sometimes, i really wonder if i was right
in selling my soul to despair.
my mind was bubbling with hope against hope.
how very ironic, that is.
but it's alright.
it's alright, i say.
getting used to it -
don't we all?
i am learning to be happy.
i realised it's a process that should not be hidden within the fortress of my heart.
as the song goes,
if you're happy and you know it,
*execute happy action*
see?
being happy requires external demonstration, to be maximised to full potential.
being thrown back into the throes of dangerous human company has allowed me discover new perspectives.
for one, my memory's been refreshed with the ugliness of human nature, previously thought impossible.
i am putting down my foot, never to blindly follow in these demeaning fashions.
OH yes, definitely.
Moonlit nightingale
in the throes of Dark
Quivering notes, strung
weaves a tapestry
Fantasy spun
with each melodious sound
Embroideries so bright
glistening by Night
He lingers, Oh he lingers
allured by her song
Day draws near
hot in pusuit
Her heart freezes
as Sunbeam filters in
The tapestry frays
dull in the dawn No more luminescence
hope turned to despair
d e b b e e e kvetched at 8:35 PM
Thursday, September 9
i'm getting snappish of late.
i get uptight too easily.
i've been told upteen times 'patience is a virtue.'
ah, but they do not see how my patience waned.
and what waned my patience.
i miss dunman high days.
in particular the moments i spent in its library.
i don't like np's library - it's teeming with people.
i can't even get a split second's silence to myself in np.
that's why i am starting to resent that place.
i'm too swamped to recover from my feverish state.
or perhaps it's just me not wanting to recover at all.
once i think of the final assessed speech, i lose all faith.
can you hear the sound of faith?
i can't wait for december. really.
it's my favourite time of the year.
this is what will sustain me,
till then.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 10:02 PM
Tuesday, September 7
Severe deprivation of sleep leads to many things:
1. Dark eye circles
2. Puffy eyes
3. Brain dysfunctions
4. Lame humour
5. Snapping at others
6. Intense lethargy
and most of all, THE URGE TO RETURN TO THE TRADE OF PON-STARS.
i just broke my promise not to skip any lectures/tutorials, and there i was.
skipping 3 lectures straight.
i've been a bad girl. very bad, indeed.
but looking at how i've improved since sajc times, i must say i'm proud of my achievements.
i was really tickled in locvid discussions.
somehow, my brain couldn't process my command to stop laughing.
perhaps it was due to my lack of sleep.
but i'm really worried about locvid.
and speechcomm.
and graphcomm.
and medsoc.
and sab.
let's not venture further into the depressing aisles of misery.
i'd focus on the happy thought, instead.
semestral break is coming soon.
well, not that soon, but let's be a l'il more optimistic.
then it'll be farewell to certain dreadful modules.
yays.
and to end on a sweet note, i shall execute sweet revenge.
Noor? i hate to say this, but SHUT UP. *smirks*
d e b b e e e kvetched at 10:09 PM
Sunday, September 5
whack me.
whack me, right in the head.
i've been dreaming of useless, foolish nonsense.
now that i hurtled back to solid ground, i won't mind the stone in my heart.
nobody's perfect.
N O B O D Y .
really, there wasn't a need for me to learn the hard way.
it's a downright sham.
i'd been a silly twat, and that's that.
back to the grind with the dreary greys -
no amount of optimism will move me.
no.
none at all.
if ever Fate lives, i know i'll fall in love with her.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:57 AM
Saturday, September 4
school's picking up its pace, already.
i reckon i'll be an exemplary student, staying in school till late hours.
what with the bahaus and gestalt; conglomeration and COMPASS; persuasive and informative, yada-yada...
6 more weeks to endure, then it'll be a heave of relief.
i'm caught up in many a bitchfest(s).
listening's my trade now.
speaking forth is a definite no-no.
but sometimes, i just can't help but lay down my two-cents' worth.
i'm beginning to like oikos again.
ah well, that's only because i changed cell.
it makes my mad-rush down from school all worthwhile.
it's always nice to have something to look foward to, at the end of the school week.
it used to be monday blues, wednesday pinings, friday anticipation, sunday excitement, then monday blues again...
now, it's all missing.
nevermind.
i lose some, i gain some.
i've become more matured, wiser and a tad more skeptical, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
but along came pessimism, too.
now, that's a bad thing, definitely.
grumble, grumble. i want to catch stepford wives... whineeeeeee~
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:38 PM