Saturday, July 30
Strangely enough, I feel no sense of immense relief after completing the Field Assignment Two and advertising tutorial + campaign. I just simply came straight back home for a nice lunch of stewed beef and rice, then slept six hours in oblivion.
No SonicFest. No shopping. No social life.
I need some time alone; just relax and breathe. Blogging and reading other blogs are my main interests now. Got to read this really inspiring blog through Em's trusty recommendation. I am hopelessly smitten by her personality, attitude, lifestyle and most importantly - HER SONS!
Look at Callum and Sean and my heart turns gooey. Read about her Super-mum role and my heart flutters. Thinking about having a similar lifestyle that is as fulfilling makes my heart leap!
I need to get a boyfriend, get married and start "making beautiful babies", just like what Em was saying over MSN. I want to be a mother and I want two sons and a daughter. In that order. Starting from the time ordained by God, the author of my family saga, naturally.
It's official: Witness the return of the highly lethal Babies Obssessive Syndrome.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 3:26 AM
Friday, July 29
WAU LAU EH WAU LAU EH WAU LAU EH
How do I justify my journalism pursuit?
There's no need to argue.
Sense?
Nothing makes sense after one stays up unwillingly till 4:20am.
Whatever for?
You are right - WHATEVER.
PC's just not my cup of tea LAH.
Speaking of which, I need tea to keep me awake as I embark on advertising now.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 4:19 AM
Tuesday, July 26
All I Need Is You
Hillsongs United 2005
Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You
All I need is You...
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord
All I need is You
One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me
All I need is You...
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord
All I need is You
You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold
Never want to live a day without Him anymore.
Cast away my inhibitions;
weep in repentance;
sing with every ounce of soul I possess.
Fall down in awe;
lose myself in adoration;
breathe His very presence.
It will be.
The day I truly wither for Christ to blossom in me.
The hour I care enough to deny myself - pride, dignity and all.
I've taken the first step, but it's not enough.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 11:08 PM
Monday, July 25
"Why Lord? WHY?"
"Stop, Debbie - STOP!"
"This is wrong, and you know it fully well."
"Oh Lord, if these are not from You, take them all away..."
"Get behind me, Satan!"
Top five thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis.
enough is enough, is enough.
hand me the axe.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 2:05 AM
Saturday, July 23
Dawn breaks.
It is a new day.
It is a new WORLD.
I feel much happier on Saturdays than any other days, especially when I know it's gonna be a day of bonding with friends I cherish and am thankful for. I woke up before noon - that's a mean feat, mind you - and felt totally uplifted. Then good news came streaming in one by one and it is one of those golden moments when you really want to dance because you know He is real.
I am not going to wallow in the 'why's and turn in circles any longer lah.
Come, dismount that sick carousel and get going; a whole new world awaits just a few steps away. There are things that consumed a good five years, spent in futile folly and in wrong wait. Now is the time for revolution, liberation and radical change.
So I'm changing who I am
Cos' what I am's not good.
Varsities' the hot topic of late. People are already deciding their next education pitstop and here I am, still worrying over a simple Newswriting Field Assignment 1. I jumped on the bandwagon and highlighted the following schools (in no particular order, really):
1. Columbia College (Columbia even has a graduate school for journalism!)
2. University of North Carolina
3. University of Minnesota, College of Liberal Arts, SJMC
4. University of South Carolina
5. Bethany College
Choosy, choosy. All of them are freakin' expensive so unless I get a scholarship, I may not even consider US universities. So that effectively means Aussie ones. If I can only get a scholarship for local BA at NTU, then maybe I'll settle for the prestige of a scholarship then hope I can go onto graduate school with that NTU degree.
Columbia looks awfully good lah.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 9:09 AM
Friday, July 22
Life's a fluke (or cheat, if you prefer)!
I, the damned spinster for life, was momentarily one half of THE winning couple at a Maybelline Couple Makeup Challenge at Cathay. I walked away with (supposedly) S$300 worth of Maybelline cosmetic products and felt guilt-stricken for having being a big, fat liar.
But the guilty phase didn't last for long - I felt cheated instead. When I peered into the goodie bag, I could not convince myself that those products totalled S$300. It doesn't even come close, man. I would probably price it at about S$200, which is a very generous estimation. Phooey!
I cheat you; you cheat me.
I shall not contend but be a good-natured participant. The co-organisers in charge of event publicity are fellow mass commers, after all. Must give them face and thank them for these free gifts. All I had to do was sit onstage, smile and be made up by my pseudo boyfriend. He's the one who didn't get such a sweet deal since he had no use for cosmetics, but he did have the measley Loreal hair products from the goodie bag. Anyway, he had fun pretending to look professional too.
What cheats we all are.
I shall take life with a pinch of salt and laugh at myself.
Even if I do fail at times, I will smile and wave and dismiss myself.
Oh dear.
I am not even spurred onto excellence this semester anymore.
I feel the interest wearing thin; the vexation and lethargy leaps.
And as such, I need Maybelline cosmetics to hide my worry-lines.
Grades are not my world - God is.
Always and forever.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 2:26 PM
Monday, July 18
I cannot express my disappointment aptly.
It's a terrible feeling, yet I know I deserve this.
That was hoping for what has been denied from me, and rightly done so.
I am not this.
I am not that.
Don't squeeze me into that mould you hold;
I don't usually do exactly as I'm told.
Neither impeccable nor extraordinarily bold -
I also feel days empty and cold.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:34 AM
Saturday, July 16
Damn.
I want to watch Romeo + Juliet but my comp is throwing tantrums again.
I want to complete the Red Curtain Trilogy in one week lah.
I want to have it MY WAY.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I sound like some sickening spoilt brat.
Seriously, I am in high spirits now.
Family excursions two days in a row makes me glow literally.
I'm on this roll on old movies.
I'm itching to catch Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961).
Then I want to watch The Virgin Suicides (1999) because of its theme - Playground Love by Air.
Oh goodness, you'll be haunted by the vibraphone version once you've heard it.
Then I felt like watching Shakespeare in Love, but... alas, comp askew.
And here goes.
"
I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love.
Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws life.
Unbiddable,ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture.
Love - like there has never been in a play.
"
Does this not ring a bell?
The petulant insistence on Love that wows.
Nothing less than that worthy of the silver screen.
Omit the part about being ungovernable, Love as above is what I anticipate.
Something that wins life; something that surpasses poetry and adventure.
Like a riot in the heart; like nothing ever read or heard.
All because it endears to myself, emanating from my own soul.
Visiting my sister today, like any other trips, weakens my heart of lead.
If she's happy and she (does or doesn't, alike) knows it, she looks the part.
I can't wait for little nephews and nieces.
How beautiful.
Viola De Lesseps once said in the story, "I love you, Will, beyond poetry."
The stuff scripts are made of.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:26 AM
Tuesday, July 12
Times when one is afflicted with immense self-indignance
and guilt.
For not choosing the road less travelled.
For skiving along the easier route.
Never undermine the stray thoughts, strolling casually behind those crinkling eyes.
Unbetrayable, unspeakable yet undeniable.
Closer to reality than that of your permissive disillusionment - this is the voice of Regret.
Look in retrospective, in all truth to the abyssal.
Witness the ceaseless wonderings whirr to life.
I ask and I ask and I ask.
I ask.
- I am only one -
The excuse is long dead, lying amongst the dust.
- I am only one but still I am one -
No amount of derisive sneers can refute the facts.
Good times; bad times.
After these, I know it's gonna be up, Up, UP!
It can only get better.
Oh yes it shall be.
Times when I suspect Love outside God and the family He gave
me is a joke, actually.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 10:59 PM
Thursday, July 7
I have never known relief before today.
If I said I had, I'd be lying.
Or perhaps, I was merely inadequately exposed to the real world.
So, welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome to the arena of anxiety-induced tummyaches, frantic phone calls and
rejection.
Ah, yes - rejection.
The word akin to hearing inch-long fingernails trailing along chalkboards in vindinctive energy.
Nobody enjoys rejection, for goodness' sake.
Yet how amazingly awakening these humble pies are, albeit a tad untasteful.
All in a nutshell, you ask?
This wretch of a downer called TV Production 2+1 Interview.
It worked out fine and dandy, sure.
But oh, how wonderfully concealed the terrible predicament we were in just 24 hours ago!
I am pretty sure I have exhausted all the teenage pregnancy hotlines and help houses.
If calling them could make me a teenage pregnant girl, I'd have probably be a mother of twelve now, complete with a pair of twins and a young jaundiced baby.
Hmmmmmmphhh.
Alright, alright.
I know they are busy and we are giving impossibly short notices.
I know it was a perfect scenario of 'hoping against hope'.
So I really thank Focus on the Family for their timely help. Thank God they were there to prevent my group from looking like complete idiots in the studios. I mean, just imagine us standing around with no guests - nada. How very assuring it looks, huh?
And so this is the relief I should have known.
Okay, just a check:
- TVProd - check
- MRM - *sniff*
- Newswriting - *eyes widen*
- Ad Analysis - *gulp*
- MM - . . .
I say it best... ... when I say nothing at all.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 6:33 PM
Friday, July 1
Can you hear the sound of faith?
This is the time to
PUSH.
I am... ... are you?
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:28 AM