Thursday, April 29
c'mmon. let's rave over the fact that the world is, indeed, coming to an end. not that i don't like life here on earth. it's just that too many temptations around, and heaven, presumably, will be a much better place. i mean, why settle for someplace that's not as fabulous, when you have the ticket to paradise?
and the best part?
i'm not going to live alone.
i'll be spending an eternity with Jesus.
read that line over and over again, till the implication sets in.
awesome, isn't it?
living with God. i wonder if i'll have wings sprouting out of my back, then. hah.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 5:58 PM
Tuesday, April 27
i just love calvin.
don't get mistaken. calvin's not my new boyfriend or anything like that. he's just an adorable boy who's a pest sometimes in the witty comics i pore over. yes he's that calvin with that stuffed tiger named hobbes. sometimes, i wonder if calvin's a self-portrait of bill watterson. or even hobbes, for that matter (?!). ah well, i can certainly relate to and identify with dear ol'calvin. he practices sneers and smirks; talks to his stuffed toy who's his bestest friend; determinedly makes life difficult for his mum and teachers; lives in a world of his own.
so do i.
hard to tell, but i outgrew those traits... well, almost. it's a whole load of fun to see calvin's seemingly aimless life, when you realize that actually, he's the one with a whole bright future, over susie derkins anyway. that's when he grows up, and learns to compromise his own preferences. not necessarily a bad thing, but in a way, that's equivalent to losing your childhood innocence and carefree outlook on life. i wonder if calvin would grow up to laugh at his own antics or remain a bratty kid at heart. i truly hope for the latter, but in actual fact, we all know that's not going to happen. not even if calvin springs to life. but i love him all the same. for what he is now. as this brat who wants everything his way because he feels outcaste. hopelessly desperate for susie's affection too, i suspect. but i'm glad that he's glad to have hobbes by my side. like i have dotdot. and i have a great mum like calvin's. what more could i have asked for in childhood days?
d e b b e e e kvetched at 2:31 PM
alright, everyone. here goes.
musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions!musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions!musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions! musicmissions!
i need to, want to, wish to, hope to go.... just desperate for it!!
and i need the finances. so everyone, please seize this chance to bless me! come, come!! hah. i need 1.3k by end of next week. by 10th may, theoretically. yes. and i need lots of prayers. LOTS.
come, repeat the mantra after me... blessdebbieblessdebbieblessme!
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:53 PM
being up in the early morning has, certainly, almost-magical effects on me. it feels tingling to be taking in the quiet and fresh air, and then easing to the building noise-level in the surroundings as rush-hour approaches.
a last-ditch attemp in getting my life back on track is in order.
decision set to withdraw from tp and move onto np. early mornings are in sight. dreary journeys resurfacing in my unprovocative life, except farther, perhaps. a rash moment to be regretted, shall not be even considered as a possibility. fretful minds had been losing rest over such a simple issue worth but three years. securing finances other than my dear'ol mum is top priority. totally unimaginable having to endure three years filed with ceaseless reminders of how lucrative any other course but mass comm could be (especially accountancy). or having to hear about how the long-lost jc education could be completed very soon and my poly fees contributing to what's known as varsity fund (clearly assuming the mounting tension does not strike me dead first). plenty of scholarships, study grants and bursaries around. just tonnes of paperwork. dreadful. i hate giving information about myself. any recommendations for some quick-route, hassle-free finances for poly? okay. i'm dreaming big now. BIG. reality-check. tsk-tsk. maybe fatigue is catching up on me. time to give tuition. then rush back for some quality rest. ciaos~
d e b b e e e kvetched at 8:01 AM
Monday, April 26
i look back at my life in disbelief.
how far can one deviate from the originally-paved path?
whatever i have envisioned splintered into bits.
my plans, apparently, were not of considerable suitability afterall.
failing to take in my interests, thinking foolishly that the much-soughtafter papers were worth the sacrifice of my emotional well-being.
a severe misjudgement, at the cost of much.
how hateful.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 6:54 PM
(??!)
sometimes, i am such a stranger to myself. every personality test i take yield results so morose that i shock myself.
am i THAT bad a person?
i've always thought myself to be a pretty nice person, compared to the declining morality standards of our society.
or perhaps it's just the way i see the results:
being quiet is definitely better off than being a walking-cursing machine that swears at an amazing speed, offering an unbelievable coverage of the expletives available in the local dictionary. it's like WOW.
tsk-tsk.. reality-check. ciaos~
d e b b e e e kvetched at 6:34 PM
Thursday, April 22
dewey colour personality test
You're an Entertainer
By paying close attention to everyone's emotions, you better understand yourself and others. Your exciting, concerned energy compels people to express themselves. When you hear how others feel, you clearly see their kindness, love, pain, and fear.
The passionate you is direct, driven, confident, outgoing, and exact about what you want. You tell it like it is. You have firm rules based on your past experiences. With their guidance, you create workable plans.
The centered you can see the end, right from the beginning. You know the step-by-step process of producing a product, completing a task, or simply living your life. When all is quiet within, you decide if your expectations are realistic.
The emotional you works very hard to be important. Listen for the specifics required to accomplish your dream. You'll become more optimistic, less doubtful, and appreciative of your personal victories.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 4:39 PM
what is your friendship style?
You scored 60% Lone Wolf
You're an independent, intelligent free thinker who cherishes her individuality as well as her friendships -- people love being friends with you because you inspire them to self-reflection and self-improvement. Your friends may not see you every day, but they know you support them and care about them, and you share your knowledge and your gifts freely when asked. People look up to you because you understand yourself well, and you understand your own needs for stimulation and personal growth. As independent and forceful as you are, though, you may sometimes leave a buddy out in the cold. If you're worried your friends may find you aloof, improve your dependability with some Reliable Advisor qualities.
You scored 20% Loving Sister
You're an affectionate, sensitive, intuitive sweetie who takes her friendships very seriously -- people love being friends with you because they know you understand them. You nurture your friends, which is a constantly-renewing gift: you're the first one to step forward with chicken soup if they're sick, tissue if they're crying, and a phone call if they're lonely. You love being cared for yourself, too -- not that you'd ever admit it. It's not surprising that you build such strong bonds with your friends, loyal and steadfast as you are. Be careful not to pamper your buddies too much, though, since it can drain you of much-needed energy and encourage otherwise good friends to take your big-hearted nature for granted. You might incorporate some Lone Wolf traits into unbalanced relationships that take more than they give.
You scored 10% Bright Spark
You're a kick in the pants, an inspirer, an activator -- people love being friends with you because you're full of energy and fun ideas. You aim to make the people around you feel happy and comfortable, and you nearly always succeed. You have a wide circle of devoted buddies and admirers, and you take vicarious pleasure in their successes and accomplishments while inspiring your friends with your own passion for life. Although you may sometimes resent the pressure of being everybody's muse or ray of sunshine, you try not to let it show -- but do listen to those voices in your head that urge you to slow down and savor your friendships more fully. Consider deepening your friendships with a dose of the nurturing that your Loving Sister friends bring to their relationships.
You scored 10% Reliable Advisor
You're accomplished, thoughtful, and generous, a font of wisdom and constructive criticism -- people love being friends with you because they know you've got their back. Your trustworthy nature and balanced, fair judgment make you a superb confidante and mediator, and while you may sometimes feel that your friends turn to you for advice about everything, you'd never let down anyone you cared about. Besides, your friends know your opinions are too valuable to do without! Your insight and loyalty are in high demand, but be sure to make friends aware that you're not just Old Faithful. You're the leading actress in your own life -- if some relationships make you feel more like the trusty sidekick, put a new face on your friendship by adopting the some of the attitude of your Bright Spark buddies.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 4:28 PM
Friday, April 16
something .. err.. interesting. totally illogical, yet err... interesting. plucked off esther's comments box, cos' it just so.. er... interesting. (the above speaks volumes about my vocabulary)
me:
see.. humans were made that way - the Icarus manner - to be too full of themselves, stuck in self-denial, insisting that we're right even on the way down rapidly, to the foaming waves. ironic? that's the way we are. passing on the blame proves to grant temporary relief, to lessen the burden of guilt and disappointment in us. but at the end of it all, reflection shows otherwise, because the blame and such comes hurtling back in hundred-fold. then we say, oh! no use crying over spilt milk, but it's all just complimentary consolation as shallow as we, humans, are. it's just a reflex action, i guess. i personally don't believe in consolation in times of rage intensified or depression, except from God, cos' they normally fall on ears deafened by feelings and brains fried to a crisp golden-brown by the emotions. hah.
me:
anyway that was debbie the masalah, yours truly. with too much time on my hands, i develop all sorts of seemingly logical perceptions, which then equates, actually, into a load of bullshit.
esther:
charred to cinders!! let us burn!!! ha. thanks for your moments of illogical solutions, consolations. the world is a greater place because of people who are open-minded. who question and not just shut out doubts...
interesting, huh?
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:20 PM
Thursday, April 15
i have lost sight of direction once again. rethinking about where i should head, what i want to do, not what i need to do.
am i really right in stopping myself from selling my life to college and varsity education? just in exchange for something i like and enjoy doing? will that step prove to be fatal in my life onwards?
i hate to think so. i've never enjoyed turning my passion into academic hands. look what divinity has done to me. i may score well for prac crit, but at the expense of purely aesthetic appreciation of such literary works.
doggone it.
education is not about a formula to raking in big bucks.
it's about being filled in on aspects you take an interest in. that's why it's termed education, and not formulaic-wealth.
or is it?
call me D-cubed
Deeply distressed debbie.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 7:52 PM
it's been hard
to plough on in life, of late.
i'm peeking out
from behind evasive smiles,
hearty laughter,
twinkling eyes
all that show you naught.
my heart's in my mouth,
(do you see it?)
hurtles!
towards the velvet canvas, smearing sky-high.
leaving my fingertips
to trace the art.
i spin around
to face the fingerpointing and whispery teasing
seemingly judgementally vibrant, yet
truthfully not a speck beyond merely twisted appraisals
from an audience,
which passed by the threshold of frivolity.
never understood the bane,
of a disintegrated race - a people who talk too much.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 7:35 PM
Wednesday, April 14
oh my goodness gracious me. look. even this RJ asshole, suffering from chronic depression whatsits, actually knows the apparent tradition of gentleman behaviour. read :
Ever since the beginning of time, men have sent women home. They're programmed to do it. It's in their genes. I'm pretty sure Adam would have sent Eve home, if only they didn't stay at home all the time. And the first cavemen definitely sent the first cavewomen home. I know this, because I grew up watching the Flintstones.
Guys will tell many lies in order to send a girl home - "It's no problem", "I don't want anything to happen to you" - but the biggest of these lies is "It's on the way". Really, what's the deal with "It's on the way"? It's never on the way. What are the chances that a straight line extended from your present position to your home passes exactly through the home of the other person who you're with? About as high as the chances of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays winning the AL East this season.
I have to confess that I've used the "It's on the way" before too. I had a friend who stays in Boon Lay; I used to cab her home once in a while. It'd be like, "It's no sweat. It's on the way." Now I've told many lies in my life, but this one is right up there. Cos if you took the map of Singapore and drew a vertical line through Boon Lay, then 98% of the country would fall on one side of the line. So unless you intend to drive straight off the west coast of this island and into the Straits of Johore, Boon Lay is probably not going to be "on the way".
I think the reason we like sending people home is to check out their houses. I love scoping out other people's houses. You look at the kind of place a person stays in, you can tell a lot about him. Unless of course you stay in an HDB flat, in which case your home looks just like the one next to you, and the one next to that, and the one next to that, and the one below that, and the one across the streetق�
I don't know how people stay in HDB flats. It must be like living in Lego-land. But that's another story for another time.
what a filthy rich jerk. brat. snob.
but hey! at least he understood the essence of sending a girl home. to show how gentlemanly he could be (albeit undeniably the champion asshole).
what's MY social circle coming to? i need a change of environment.
. . .
say, what are the chances of RJ inculcating that in the students?
right. i'm asking the obvious. forget i asked.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 3:00 PM
you know what? whilst people around me are moaning about foie gras and duck confit and ganache, i am still craving for the greasy, unhealthy, not-in-the-least exquisite fried oyster.
is my palate just of low-grade, or what?
well, i must say that foie gras is indeed something to look foward to, provided it's not of some dubious, sub-standard quality. but bring on the price-tag. did your brain just send several accusatory, guilt signals to your palate, resulting in a loss of enjoyment while savouring such delicacy?
i did.
i mean, if ambrosia were to be of such a price, i doubt Zeus would be willing to serve up in view of his frequent spending habits (which obviously covers gifts to innumerous mistresses, and not forgetting gifts to pacify Hera).
i digress.
the point is, why is abalone, an otherwise bland and not at all tasty (so-called) delicacy, if not for it's rarity which then equates into an exhorbitant pricing, be considered a much sought-after dish?
i am totally clueless. i am not in hot pursuit of an answer, none too existent. so long as i can enjoy my fried oyster, i am at peace.
come repeat the mantra after me - peacepeacepeace *wink*
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:34 PM
ooh-la-la!
please please please please please keep me in prayers. when my future seemed bleak and my existence proved pointless, God opened up a new door for me. i am going for this opportunity of a lifetime and see if it's God's will for me. then perhaps i shall kiss temasek poly goodbye, and time to embrace lasalle or nafa in a few years' time. even better still, london college of fine arts.
butbutbut.. let's not get my hopes up too high, lest the sting multiplies by infinity when i'm crudely flung backwards. just keep me in prayers, now till saturday. i shan't reveal this illuminating secret, until i'm sure of it. i won't want my dear readers to be sucked into the turbulence of my ditzy roller-coaster ride of a life.
alright. on to the otherwise less-than-provocative life of mine. i long for the clearly-defined, corporeal happiness and sadness, once ever so eminent in my wide-eyed days. when happiness simply means a weight-free, at-ease conscience (which i perceived, then, to be in the pit of my stomach); sadness (which translates to other negative emotions - bitterness, regret, fear and the like) means to have an immovable boulder settling nicely in the pit of my stomach (which is, of course, my conscience).
it was all so clear-cut and simple. easily understood.
alas.
the easiest way out isn't necessarily the best way.
likewise, the easiest form of emotions isn't necessarily the best form i can possess.
i've been mollycoddled by the ministry of evil's (MOE) ploy to make us insusceptible to other sources of life opportunities. other than the government's, that is. it's the paved road clear of litter, surrounded by fake greenery that serenes falsely. little did these pampered brats know about the real beauty of withering greens, magnificence of jutting rocks and effort in those coarsely laid lanes. it's time to break those chains and see the wondrous effects of the world outside our own make-believe. i'm not going to be strapped for long.
get a grip, you wussy
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:11 PM
Tuesday, April 13
salsa.. salsa.. salsa.. salsa.. salsa.. give it to me, salsa
it's been on my mind all the time, and i am most certainly not talking about the tangy sauce. (Mmmmm..)
thumping in my whirling mind, making me gyrate in the most awkward of locations, say, in front of the fridge. or in the midst of a most unthinkable task, like on my way home from tuition on the overhead bridge.
yes. that's me. but a debbie you would only imagine, hear of, or at most only catch me startling come to halt in action. i would never dream of dancing in front of an audience again, after the teeth grinding event in primary, secondary school years. dance was hard work, and i doubt any form of levitations of difficulty in the present.
pretty, slinky moves comes with the most gruelling sessions of sweat, tears and pain. but that's definitely what causes the culminative success even sweeter.
i'm not prepared to do all these again.. yet.
reasons being....
1. i still want to have normal looking, perfectly working ankles
2. able to have decent meals without worrying about weight and whether you're late for practices
3. get peaceful rest without trying to figure out moves, resulting in disastrous pouchy eyes
4. shouting eureka! (or worse, demonstrating your newly-figured out moves on the spot), which attracts an awful bunch of unwanted attention.
the list goes on. i think it unwarranted to swamp my dear readers now (whom i can confirm are all welcome) with distasteful details. in a nutshell, i want to expand my horizons. using one of the salsa-latin songs (which i am searching for a suitable man, God-sent, to croon to me.. haha) to describe my stand:
Satellite Ft. Jorge Moreno
by Santana
Oh way oh
Oh way oh
Oh way oh
The world divides from the bitter sweetness love provides
I will redefine my place with in this union
The word is a lie and the battle we can show inside
I will try to find my way to high ground
Ah oh there's a million stories
And a million ways to get there from here
Baby I'm gonna put your skin on mine, be inside you all my life
And if you let your heart open up your mind
Theres a whole new world on the other side
I'm gonna be your satellite n I'll hang over your world at night
And I can hear you sleep beneath the candle light
I can see your dreams like they were mine
Oh way oh
Oh way oh
Oh way oh
Way oh way oh
When I, I hear you scream I hear you cry
It's makes me realizes that I want you more
The world relizes on the balance between love and pride
And I'll abandon all my pride and bring you love
Ah oh oh oh
There's a million reasons
And a million ways to get to your heart
Baby I'm gonna make you step outside the corners of your world
And find that if you let your heart open up your mind
Theres a whole new world on the other side
I'm gonna be your satellite n I'll hang over your world at night
And I can hear you sleep beneath the candle light
I can see your dreams like they were mine
**************
d e b b e e e kvetched at 5:52 PM
Saturday, April 10
sensuality redefined
refreshingly startling meaning to my blog. brand new beginning. inspired by many arty farty foreign flicks.
the first being dirty dancing: havana nights. a beautiful film if you decidedly ignore the awkward ending. ah well. nothing can be perfect.
by miramax and artisan, where plenty of shows are churned out without singapore's slightest inkling of them.
how unfortunate.
especially if you've been captivated by diego luna's sizzling charms, you'll die to catch Y Tu Mama Tambien, a mexican show in spanish.
it has english subtitles, with dark themes being thrown into the light by the director, plenty of drug, alcohol and sexual abuse thrown in for good measure. highlights the cruelty of stark poverty in seemingly flourishing countries.
it was an eye-opening leap into the vertigo of spanish culture. what a difference from singapore's. or perhaps more aptly, a lack thereof on our part.
end of blogfast. contemplation on what has happended made me realise whatever i've done is still correct in my sight. i have had my principles and will most certainly stand by them. interest in checking out before fingering accusingly would no longer be my responsibilty. i am not in the least interested to explain my actions that would never have bore dire consequences if not for a most peculiar turn of events. i don't have a problem, neither spot any, and shall carry on with my less-than-provocative life that needs some spicing up on my part. not in the form of meagre cat-fights, nontheless. not to worry at all. i am not that desperate and childish.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 2:43 PM