Wednesday, October 26
I Mean It, Really.
The Plastic Frames
Stupid things we do together
Cheers to one and a half years worth of spasming.
My sole joy in school.
for all the times you laughed at my auntie ways
for all the times i pressurised you
for all the times we quarelled
and cried buckets
and made up
.Thank.you.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:38 AM
Tuesday, October 25
F is for Flash.
I do not deny a certain lacking in patience.
'Tis a virtue! Or so they claim.
I doubt that these folks have a conscience -
they lie and smile all the same.
Working on 500 frames at 18f/s and only completing less than a quarter of the desired length is totally shattering. I get frustrated too easily for precision and perfection. Phooey.
I was under the impression that I have a good grasp on my actions, thoughts and emotions. Maybe it was more of an assumption than a fact. My imagination runs amok under physically tiring circumstances, as weird as it may sound. I don't even know how to explain this, really. It's just that when the exterior gets tired of moving, the internal speeds at an unbeknownst dimension altogether.
I like being physically tired, actually.
There comes a time when a blog, or even saving drafts only, cease to be cathartic. In the end, it boils down to mugs of tea, a mix of Cranberries, F.I.R. and Radiohead plus an uber cool mother who switches off the glaring lights and releases her randomly eccentric daughter into a pensive black, erasing the blank wall from sight.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 11:31 PM
Thursday, October 20
Gaaaah!
I'm going to be the butt of jokes in my family for months to come.
I hate Changi Airport.
I love my brother.
So, there has been an idiot who hacked into my neopets account and stole all my savings.
Eeeeeeeeee-diot.
And yes, I do play neopets still. It's pretty fun when one has nothing better to do in an air-conditioned office alone. Ho, ho, ho!
These days of mindless lolling draws to an end next week! Then comes the horrigible Wednesdays of 8am to 6pm, ten-hour days. It's going to be undoubtedly detrimental to my physical, emotional and mental well-being, I tell you. Gah.
Okay, my lovely mum's still snickering at me. I am going to drown my humiliation in DVDs. Ciao.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 9:58 PM
Friday, October 14
Weekends.
A love-fear affair in my humble existence.
300 seconds in the face of fair cruelty.
I lead a dual life within and without this passionate scandal.
180 seconds in the throes of pending anticipation.
I feel slightly sick at the sudden rush of thoughts inside my mind.
60 seconds in the race against myself.
I hate people who share my sentiments because they remind me of myself.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 5:52 PM
Tuesday, October 11
Memories are either like expired candies or glass shards.
Sometimes, you hit on a truly memorable one that lights up your life. One very moment, you swear by that memory and promise never to forget it. Yet you are fighting a losing battle with Time, always. With a swipe of her talons and a swish of her breath, all that you held onto dearly loses its sheen.
Like candies that expire; the sweetness forgotten.
Other times, you find yourself hounded by nightmares that wreck vegeance upon your life. They seize your heart and embed themselves within, burrowing deep. Nothing is left behind, except an intricate criss-cross of hollow tunnels and a bloody trail of eternal regret.
Like glass shards that refuse to be removed; a cruel skewering of the flesh.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 9:45 AM
Friday, October 7
It's no use trying to dodge the depression missiles because I've just about hooked The Outsiders into an IV and attached it to my arm permanently. The main theme here is even more powerful than opium, I tell you.
The stupid sequel, which lacks my favourite character from the first series, is selling at an exhorbitant $39.90 at TS Video. Not that I am going to wither without the sequel, but I was sorely disappointed to know that the sequel does not continue the story from where it ended in the former serial. Instead, it will be zooming into the 4 year span when Blue* was serving his jail term.
*YAH LAH YAH LAH. It's a damn silly name for a dashing actor as such.
How ridiculous! Why would I still be interested to know what and who added to the mess of raging wars in that intermission when I already teared myself dry as I watched the main characters, likeable and dislikeable alike, die in agony? In other words, I just want to glue my eyes to the teevee with Blue oozing his brooding charisma all over my slimy screen.
Before you start accusing me of being a teeny-bopper or one of those silly girls who go gaga over the likes of F4 (!), I have to say this show reeks of raging regret. See, alliteration? I haven't lost sense after the show, which in fact showed me how regret is so much more frightening than say, anger and jealousy.
Well, I genuinely wish for The Outsiders III that will satisfy my withdrawal symptoms.
I started on another VCD set with my sister. It's Korean this time round, with the wide-eyed actress from Myth and red-lidded actor from Stairway to Heaven. It's quite an interesting plot - she's blind; he's illegitimate. I'm developing this huge taste for drama serials of late. Perhaps it's making up for the time I lost during school term and an almost effective distraction from anything remotely associated with school.
School.
Results.
It's not even a matter of distinctions anymore - more likely to be the weeks and months and years of oppression left in this wretched environment that matters.
I wish I could write more, but I'm stuck at work feeling extremely drowsy. I would love to take my storybook out and read but I have an entire mount of newspaper clippings to sort in infinity. It's lovely reading Empress Orchid, thanks to Weizhu's tasteful recommendation and generous loan. I recovered a long-lost love; the tumult of emotions almost like a heady rendezvous.
Huckleberry Finn, O Huckleberry Finn. Oh, I suppose I still have The Wind in the Willows somewhere at home! The thought excites me - that was my very first book in kindergarten. I don't think I knew how to read before six. I only knew the teevee, jotter books, drawing block, cheap crayons, China pencils and the lovely smells of my brother's water colours.
It'll be a poorly-wrought lie to say I don't miss those times.
I'm actually terribly afraid of loss.
But no, don't even think of sympathising with me. I don't need to rely on someone else to be strong. I pawn my heart and mind for strength. Maybe one day, I'll be capable of redeeming all these, memories and all.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:45 PM
Tuesday, October 4
It's infuriating how blogger doesn't support chinese characters in its posts.
Especially when I'm on a Speak-and-Write-Good-Chinese roll now.
I have to resort to writing scraps in office (because they have the programme), email myself the Word document, and save it in my home PC.
Tedious.
My office has these really cool displays of a community project they had done up previously. The framed up works of postcards, like those ZO cards we always pocket in stacks, except these are all in Chinese. And they are all about love.
I'm going to copy down all these cool quotes from all the different postcards, to serve as inspiration in case of dry spells for my Mind. I call it incubation and illumination (!)
I single-handedly mastered Microsoft Access in a single day. Okay, it couldn't have been too difficult a programme to learn but allow me some credit, please. I need a little more space to breathe nowadays - I can always blame PMS.
I was swimming through the newspaper clippings I was supposed to sort when I found something really good. There was an ST article that reported scientific proof for a positive relationship between the amount of time spent sleeping in the day and depression. I don't know how accurate the research was, but I do feel a little less grumpy on the days I wake up earlier than noon. Then again, there are external factors that come into play, such as number of hours slept in total and programme of the day. If I can wake up before noon, I should have turned in pretty early the night before, which means I had adequate rest. Going to school definitely doesn't account for waking up early and lowering my grumpiness, so that's where I hold my reservations on these findings.
The only reason why I'm rambling is the countdown to my results with a growling stomach and heavy eyelids.
Fine, that's three reasons but really, I am getting fidgety. Fifteen more minutes to knocking off and a blissful bus ride. I look forward to [re]watching The Outsiders later, and I am still contemplating whether I should purchase the sequel. It's comparable to Meteor Garden, a rare find amongst Taiwanese drama serials. Not so much of the plot or cast, but more of the beautiful songs, emotions and underlying themes.
Now, if only I could expound further in Chinese... ...
d e b b e e e kvetched at 5:26 PM