Thursday, December 30
Vita Brevis caught me.
Floria loved him past his mistake.
Aurel loved her past her absence.
There is never right or wrong in a true relationship, be it family ties or friendship or even love.
I'd like to think I can see Floria in Heaven soon and I'll ask her all about this.
The year draws to an end.
And God has sown seeds of Hope and expectation into my soul.
Ah, what excitement!
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:17 AM
Saturday, December 25
Just to further demonstrate my amazing clumsiness,
I sprained my ankle two hours into Christmas Day.
How brilliant.
Was back at percussions,
obliged to do a last-minute Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas with the other personnels.
Didn't sound quite right at all (we kept forgetting our lyrics)
Silent Night, however, was absolutely splendid.
I am so proud of the carolers this year!
Maybe it's the age thing; maybe it's the personality difference.
I can't catch up with their enthusiasm (think spongebob squarepants)
Cards lie in wait for me to start scribbling.
And... ...
Perhaps no news is indeed good news.
Any news would probably have been bad anyway.
Oh come, add a tinge of Envy to murder my Christmas spirit.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 2:49 AM
Friday, December 24
A sense of ethereal peace, rare yet familiar.
Going without sleep for more than forty-eight hours makes my Mind unusually clear.
Perhaps it's a form of relief; a form of spice.
My unprovpcative life has been long in need of some extra zest.
It was Christmas Eve's eve.
Then came Christmas Eve.
The clock shall strike twelve and soon Christmas will arrive.
No tears allowed.
Not when work overwhelms.
Not when I find time running out fast.
Not even when I can't find my beloved silver marker.
I was over there.
But now I'm back here.
I can be veryVERY silly at times, too!
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:43 AM
Saturday, December 18
"Rid this space of all incriminating evidence
of debbeee being a full-fledged
kvetch."
Sometimes, I spill my whiny thoughts, and then I frown upon my own words.
Okay, make that very often.
Anyway, I'm well-versed in the art of selective amnesia.
I do make mistakes too, so allow me the choice of regret?
Moving on to a lighter and cheerier note -
(This is in compensation for deleting the birthday entry)
Yvonne knows me too well lah. D A R N .
A box of yummy candies is enough to make my eyes twinkle,
even if it's a belated birthday gift.
Yes, I'm a loser when it comes to candies, can?
Christmas comes in less than a week,
and the rain today foiled my plans for Christmas shopping.
Perhaps I should really just get by with cards.
(Nah-uh. Not my usual style)
No time to bake cookies this year.
No time to make chocolates.
It is by default that I should be a penny-pinching scrooge this season. (riiiight.)
I anticipate caroling and the post-Christmas party.
Yes, it's post-Christmas because it's held on the 26th.
Not that we mind, anyway.
As much as I try,
there are some words that can't be retrieved or erased.
"A moment of frivolity merits regret."
d e b b e e e kvetched at 4:22 PM
Saturday, December 11
She's back!
Yvonne's back safely from her mission trip to Shang-ri La, and I am mightily glad.
The phone conversation this morning went like this -
Yvonne: "May I speak to Debbie, please?"
Me: "Mmmm, yes?"
Y: "Debbie ah?"
M: "Yvonne, is it?"
Y: "YAH! I'm back leh!"
-momentary silence-
M: "Aye, yeah! You're back! From Shang-ri La! Since when?!"
Y: "Last night!"
M: "Hey, you're really back... ... yeah...last night? Mmmm..."
Y: "You're still sleeping, right?"
Hell, yeah.
She knows me too well.
But what matters is she's back and has lots of stories to tell!
I am hardly in a festive mood of any sort, strangely enough.
Perhaps it's due to the onset of school and start of things not-so-beautiful.
I don't remember having work to do in the first week of last semester.
In fact, I don't remember much of last semester, anymore.
I think it was just all about laughing along with Noor, Nurul and Hana.
Mostly in Cafe Galileo and the fishtank.
WorldVision's having a fundraiser in the NP atrium next week.
That is definitely a justifiable reason to spend more.
Hey, it's WorldVision, okay?
The organization I want to work with when the timing is right, the calling is here.
School's a mess now.
I don't like most of my lecturers, because they are either
1. weird
2. sadistic
3. mean
4. all of the above
Or maybe it's just because I've seen them but once.
I certainly hope so.
Because my liking for them is instrumental in achieving excellence in their modules.
By the looks of it, none are AD material as yet, and that is sad news.
But it's all right.
I'll leave it all to God, because I'm tired and not that brilliant afterall.
He's The One.
Have I mentioned I want to be His #1 groupie?
Talking about Him, I realised I haven't had an entry about the Youth camp.
It was an intriguing experience, and I know I wasn't there by chance.
It so turned out that the only time I heard from the speaker Martin, he had a huge surprise in store for me.
It's funny, and kind of freaky how God knows exactly the fear I had during the camp,
and He is certainly very good at reassuring me.
You see, I have a distaste for people who disregard or unappreciate my efforts.
In other words, I detest being slighted.
[and remember, I don't get mad. I get even!]
The speaker was spot-on, man, when he prayed for the personnels singularly.
Basically, that was the highlight of the camp, which kept me going on despite being sick.
The ups and downs in camp - just one Up quelled all the Downs.
I shall repeat that I want to be His #1 groupie.
She forgot what day Tuesday is.
And that pains me.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 1:03 PM
Friday, December 10
Wackiness: 44/100
Rationality: 36/100
Constructiveness: 74/100
Leadership: 44/100
You are a SECF--Sober Emotional Constructive Follower. This makes you a Hippie.
You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.
You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly.
You don't get mad, you get even.
Please don't get even with this web site.
Of the 65157 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 10.6 % are this type.
Quiz 'ere
"-Massive mean streak- "
I've never thought of myself as someone who gets even.
Well, actually... ...
I do. (!)
Who doesn't? [in all indignance]
Now, now. Don't get me mad [even tho' it usually means you have a talent in being irritating] or you'll see.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 10:39 AM
Tuesday, December 7
The inevitable
W H Y ?
Sick?
Some gastric flu?
[probably robbing me of all conscience]
Camp?
Some silly Youth camp?
[I think it all pretence]
School?
Some lectures I didn't even want to go for?
[and indeed, which I didn't go for]
Did I even think that was an excuse.
[I end with a full-stop, no question marks, because I know fully well]
Lousy excuses, the very ones I loathed -
uttered from my mouth; formulated from my mind.
What had the years of upbringing amounted to?
Complete seven days of exemplary inhumanness.
What had the years of concern and doting on a grand-daughter earned her?
Nothing, really. Doting on my brother would made more sense, if not for the matriarchal blood in us.
What of filial piety we valued endlessly?
I am but a resounding gong.
I do know nobody's blaming me,
but even the greatest liars can't get past themselves.
I don't need sympathy.
All I need my conscience back.
And meanwhile merriment will suffice.
So I laughed my day away, even if I am sure it's a grave mistake I committed.
At least I made believe I was right.
I convinced myself I didn't squander the day, yes.
An afterthought:
No, I do not consider shedding tears in public a viable option.
It is not as productive as laughing.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 8:49 PM