Tuesday, August 31
I often ... laugh at others for being emotional, even though i do the same.
I often ... tease 'em about infatuations, yet i fall prey next.
I often ... scoff at "happily-ever-afters", still i am drawn helplessly.
External pressures are driving their point home, relentlessly.
It's hard to say, exactly, why i'm avoiding all of these.
Perhaps it's because i am unaccustomed to changes.
Especially changes that threaten my delicate stability.
It does matter to me the way someone, or something that person does, distracts me.
A whole lot more i thought it would, i might add.
Some negatively frustrating, and some positively engaging.
I must absolve myself of all distractions.
Afterall, i expect all these to be a but flitting moment.
This has been bugging me for a long time.
What if Cinderella did not really live happily ever after with her Prince?
What if The One for her was another person - possibly the kitchen boy in the palace?
Who could assure that Cinderella didn't marry the Prince because she was materialistic?
Or maybe it's the Prince who would have a change of heart and have extra-marital flings?
What a rotten jerk. (as all men supposedly are)
i lust.
roses of a deep crimson, magic of old-fashions, cavalier poetry.
yes - i'm wishing my life away.
so, shoot me.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 8:14 PM
Wednesday, August 25
this blog is going to the dogs, soon.
that is if i keep up the ultra-depressed air in here.
i'm not at all that moping girl you may have envisioned me to be.
in fact, i am not anything that you may think i am.
i don't like being misunderstood.
or even being understood, for that matter.
for too often, it's pretension.
revolting pretension.
okay!
time for some cheer in here! (it rhymes!)
i decided to name my darlin' after nurul's laptop, which is named after noor's good friend - J O H N N Y
sounds a tad tacky, but that'll do for now.
well, johnny survived another neck-breaking accident.
and my mum joined hands with my brother once again to nurse him back to full fitness, with lots of tape and a nice, black capo.
johnny's been my faithful companion for 6 long years, already.
and in case you haven't realised, johnny's black, has a sweet nature, and happens to be a folk acoustic.
i'm going out for some fresh air and take a long solo walk.
it's a great opportunity to switch introspective.
a friend of mine always thinks people who are alone are sad.
if that holds true, wouln't i be such a sad case?
in any way, i am still going for my walk.
so, till then.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:27 PM
Sunday, August 22
The show has to go on...
what a collision of ideals, obligations, hopes and circumstances.
of course, not everyone gets to stage a dramatic finish like that of Satine and Christian.
yet, i'm sure we have our fair share of struggles - physically; mentally; emotionally; spiritually.
no matter how ugly the odds are against you,
The show has to go on...
i look upon the forbidden,
i tread on the untrodden.
venturing into the uncertain,
i fear -
for myself.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 4:21 PM
Sunday, August 8
commemorating my 100th post, in fond, memorable words.
this is indeed much to rejoice for.
the GRANDSLAM Grade A IDSF Championships yesterday, and the Streams of Praise just tonight.
i've redeemed a part of my being today.
letters of truth are edging towards one another to form their legible words.
from printed words, to unspoken thoughts; from sung lyrics, to muted emotions.
i feel r e l e a s e d .
it's a rush of hope in me - rejuvenation of a parched soul.
i want to praise God.
i want to praise God like i've had before.
i want to praise God like i've never done before.
feeling that God's tryin' to speak to me, but unable to make out the precise words.
but the notion of God actually having a word for me is P U R E E C S T A S Y
you don't know how much all these means to me.
it's taking a step nearer to fulfilment.
i'll never ever forget my prophecy. now, it's going to be all about Jesus.
here, here. won't anybody offer the least of encouragement?
d e b b e e e kvetched at 11:35 PM
Tuesday, August 3
I had some very strong sentiments over the past few days.
today was no exception.
i'm trying to curb the kvetch in me,
but i may implode anytime.
i know i've been wishy-washy and had probably done too much of reminiscing.
i know, i really do.
it's awfully hard to let go of something that drained me of some, very precious youth.
five, long years of blood and tears - have come to naught.
i'd have liked to continue somemore,
but i choke mid-way,
my vision blurring rapidly.
and i will not allow myself to leave stains here, or anybody to witness my almost-comical state.
d e b b e e e kvetched at 11:30 PM
Sunday, August 1
what's to illustrate delusion?
who's to finger an act of dementia?
i am neither, yet i profess to be both.
it was not impulse, nor was it depression.
all i wanted, was merely a gasp of fresh air.
but then again, i had to settle for compromise
envy is a terrible thing.
it swells up from within, and bloats you up.
i have begun to be insanely jealous -
of people, of circumstances, of things.
i fall prey much too often,
especially lurking in foul moods i develop.
envy, is not green, as they claim.
it is a deep, glossy shade of purple.
the concoction proceeds;
blue splashes of melancholy seeps through whilst one is seeing red;
it thickens and simmers to a potent brew.
ah, what a fatal poison.
i possess this innate fear.
i dread losing something or someone dear.
i developed a compulsive obsession that fed on this fear,
growing into a monster rapidly.
it allowed me to turn peevish and crabby,
even though there was no justification, at all.
it could be paranoia,
it could be severe inferiority-complex.
still, i . h a t e . m y s e l f
d e b b e e e kvetched at 12:04 AM